ONE

***Note- This is a slightly depressing post. It's not as sad as "We are Family", but it's not a light entry either. You have been warned.

"Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely." "One is the loneliest, one is the loneliest. One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do." "Loneliness has always been a friend of mine." As much as I love the Backstreet Boys (yes, I'm acknowledging this on the internet), I have never felt that loneliness has been a present emotion in my life. I grew up with 3 sisters, shared a room for 15 years, and am consistently surrounded by loving family and friends. I admit, I went through a "teenage angst" phase, where I was convinced that my family didn't understand me (in retrospect, this is absolutely ridiculous), and I would feel isolated, but not alone...

I am lonely. I am alone. Not in the "No one in the world understands me" way (there is a good portion of volunteers that understand how I feel), but in a conscience I am actually alone way. You know how celebrities say that they feel alone when they're surrounded by people? I didn't understand that until I joined the Peace Corps. I'm not saying that I feel like a celebrity or anything, but the fact that there are people around me constantly, I can kinda relate. In addition, there is a language barrier. My Pulaar is decent, but there are often time that I cannot express the way I truly feel. Those are the times where I feel the loneliest. My family is amazing and one of my sister-in-laws can read my emotions like a book, but it's not the same as venting to a close friend.

I think I had this realization after WAIST. This was a whirlwind week where I was surrounded by friends and could articulate my thoughts and feelings. Upon returning to village, I found that I was confronted with numerous occasions where I just couldn't say what I wanted to say. After that, I was in and out of village working on projects with other volunteers and had visitors, and then I went home. Talk about homesickness. I was ready to return to village and work on my projects, but that small dose of home made it really difficult to readjust.

What I see everyday when I wake up =)

I'm not writing this to gain sympathy, but to honestly express one of the emotions in my life. I'm not looking for reassurance, (I'm happy for the most part), but to share a part of Peace Corps life that may get overlooked. When I'm lonely, I call a friend or bike over to a neighbor's village and it helps (Thank goodness for our unlimited calling plan to each other). I get bouts of homesickness and waves of loneliness when I'm alone (HA), but then my puppy will wander in or Amadou will saunter through my door with a HUGE mischievous smile and it's all OK again. I miss my friends and family, but I'm forming other relationships that make me feel like I'm a part of something. I still love it here for the most part (I'm trying not to get too jaded), but I can't wait to be reunited with my family back home.

I miss you too...

Peace & Friendships